The solution to violence begins with us.
Plenty of people:
• Own guns
• Got bullied growing up
• Play violent video games
• Grew up in crappy homes
• Had drug addict parents
And didn’t commit a mass shooting.
The 🚩🚩 🚩Red flags that were ignored in this kid who shot up a school this week:
• Socially isolated
• Social problems; scared other kids
• Anti-social social media posts (guns posted not in the way a gun enthusiast or responsible gun owner would post).
• Family that ignored the obvious (grandfather)
• A checked-out, drug-addicted mother
• Inability to complete high school
• Not one healthy relationship to report (so far that we know of)
And more that we’re unaware of, but you get the point.
Why am I the one to point this out?
I spent 4.5 years working in the addiction field; I am almost 9 years sober. I helped raise a kid who lost their entire family, siblings and all, to drug addiction.
Here’s my take on steps we can take to prevent tragedies.
We can’t wait for the government to do something for us, state or fed.
It doesn’t matter what you think the solution is.
It doesn’t matter what you think of guns, cops, etc.
The government is not coming to save our kids. They’ve had 23 years!
It has to start with us and what we demand of our communities.
There has to be a way to stand up and report — and have it be taken seriously, and swiftly — when a kid starts acting suspiciously.
The time to save Robb Elementary wasn’t May 2022.
It was years ago, when the shooter started showing 🚩🚩 🚩
Right now, we fix our communities.
We fix our families, we tend to the bullied kids who:
• Don’t get along with others
• Can’t finish high school
• Slice their faces with a razor blade.
We don’t turn away because we don’t want to see it and we’re busy with our phones or Netflix or we’re “exhausted.”
Look at that f*cked up kid and let go of the cognitive dissonance.
Realize what he’s capable of.
It’s our job as adults to cut this off, make kids finish high school, and tow the minimum lines of society.
Another problem here? The cycle of codependency.
I’ve seen this be more dangerous over the years than actual drug addiction.
Here’s how 👇
The shooter’s grandfather told @mattgutmanABC he didn’t like guns and can’t have them because of his past. 🚩
He also said the kid came to live with him because he couldn’t get along with his mom 🚩
We don’t know if the grandfather is the father of the shooter’s drug-addicted mom.
In my experience, he’d likely behave codependently even if he’s her father-in-law. Codependents flock together.
I know because I was one, but I got help to stop damaging the people around me.
Codependency is the ugly other part of addiction that isn’t getting enough attention.
It’s the sickness the family of the addict has.
I don’t think the grandfather got the help that I did.
Because of the codependent behaviors in this family — which was adversely affected by the grandfather’s crime and mother’s drug addiction — the shooter was allowed to be a mess with NO consequence.
I see this a lot now in parents I know.
The boys, ~age 18, are allowed to make their own rules and are coddled.
I see mothers of boys who are afraid to stand up emotionally to a kid who won’t finish high school and exhibits other anti-social behaviors.
Always when there’s no man in the house.
Then I get asked — because of my personal and professional background — what should be done.
I give my advice, but it’s not followed, and the kid is further coddled.
• Do drugs in the house.
• Have friends come over high.
• Procrastinate on finishing high school.
THIS has to stop.
Allowing kids to be hot messes with 🚩 red flag behavior has to stop.
Letting kids push parents and others around because they “don’t wanna” do the minimum expected of them (like school) has to STOP.
Allowing society to break down further with the family at its source has to stop.
WE have to stop it.
In our homes, schools, and communities. Why are we so helpless that we expect a government to come in and do it?
THAT has to stop.
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